Silly Deuteronomy

Posted on April 8, 2011 by Michael

When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her. (Deuteronomy 25:11-12)

You see, the reason Christians never seem to quote parts of the Bible like this is because, well, um, uh, uh…I got it! This was all just cultural stuff, duh! The Old Testament had parts that were only meant to apply to the Jews living in ancient times! Yeah, that’s the ticket.

After all, we all know how theists are always arguing what a moral relativist their god is.

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Deuteronomy is just weird

Posted on February 27, 2010 by Michael

Whenever I want to delve into the world of the bizarre I read one of three things: what Scientologists actually believe, what Mormons actually believe, or the bat shit crazy stuff that is written in Deuteronomy (the whole thing is weird, but chapter 22 has always been a favorite of mine for its especial craziness).

6 If you come across a bird’s nest beside the road, either in a tree or on the ground, and the mother is sitting on the young or on the eggs, do not take the mother with the young. 7 You may take the young, but be sure to let the mother go, so that it may go well with you and you may have a long life.

…what? I mean, really? An all-powerful being is concerned with something so bizarre?

20 If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl’s virginity can be found, 21 she shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father’s house. You must purge the evil from among you.

There’s the God we all know. Penis in vagina = bad. But before marriage? = death.

I don’t think I’m really exposing anything not already recognized as silly, but it doesn’t matter how many times I see it, the weirdness never jades me.

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