In an effort to prove that I am not a shill for Big Pharma, I present this case against the Big Floss industry.
We’re supposed to believe that we benefit from this meddling with the natural order. Really? So please explain how the human race survived just fine to this point without Big Floss. Clearly we didn’t need toothbrushes to survive and even thrive. So why, suddenly, should we be gullible enough to believe that every person should brush his or her teeth after every meal? Has there been even a single randomized controlled double blind study that proved that brushing saves teeth? No, there hasn’t.
It should be abundantly clear that Big Floss is just out to pick the pockets of rich, toothy Westerners. Think about it. Why do you think there is such a low presence of dental care in third world nations? Clearly Big Floss doesn’t want to waste its time where it can’t make a buck. Believe you me, if more of those children on those sad commercials asking for donations would smile, you would see big, full sets of teeth. And think about the very fact that people are asking for money to feed these people. Clearly they wouldn’t be asking for food if they didn’t have teeth to chew it. The proof is in the pudding.
It’s time to unite and fight the corporate conspiracy of Big Floss. No more toothbrushes, no more toothpaste, and no more visits to the dentist. Let’s live as Nature intended with no artificial colors or preservatives. Let’s care for our teeth naturally for as long as they last.
If naturopathy has taught me anything, it’s that anything which makes anyone a buck is bad and a conspiracy. Big Floss is just another example. Down with real medicine, longer lifespans, and Big Science!
Filed under: Humor | Tagged: Big Floss, Science-Based Medicine | Leave a comment »
For the Sake of Science 