Billy Ray and Miley Cyrus attacked by atheists

It’s all coming true. All those stories Christians keep telling us, they’ve been true. You know the ones. Atheists have led awful regimes, atheism is magically normative, atheism leads to evil and death and destruction and attacks on goodness itself! It’s all true, and Billy Ray Cyrus, that man most famous for being the father of Miley Cyrus, has proof.

“Somewhere along this journey,” he says, “both mine and Miley’s faith has been shaken. That saddens me the most.” When they first came to Hollywood for Hannah Montana, the two of them would drive down the freeway together to the studio each morning, and every day Miley would point out the sign that said

ADOPT-A-HIGHWAY
ATHEISTS UNITED

Just before moving out to Los Angeles, the whole family had been baptized together by their pastor at the People’s Church in Franklin, Tennessee. “It was Tish’s idea,” he remembers. “She said, ‘We’re going to be under attack, and we have to be strong in our faith and we’re all going to be baptized…'” And there, driving to work each day in the City of Angels, was this sign. “A physical sign. It could have easily said ‘You will now be attacked by Satan.’ ‘Entering this industry, you are now on the highway to darkness…'”

Do you really see it in such clearly spiritual terms—that your family was under attack by Satan?

“I think we are right now. No doubt. There’s no doubt about it.”

And why is that happening?

“It’s the way it is. There has always been a battle between good and evil. Always will be. You think, ‘This is a chance to make family entertainment, bring families together…’ and look what it’s turned into.”

So rational, so clear-headed. We’re lucky Billy has brought this to everyone’s attention. How dare an atheist group exist, much less promote clean highways? It isn’t merely evil: it’s pure evil. Just look at the sign.

Pure evil.

I can already feel my Hitler mustache growing.

Next thing you know atheists will be donating to charity and helping old ladies cross the street. WHEN WILL THE MAYHEM END?