I’m just stealing everything from PZ today. But that’s okay because I’m a wizard and I can do what I want.
Filed under: Humor | Tagged: Geek zodiak, Wizard | Leave a comment »
Every day is Friday in my heart
Posted on April 2, 2011 by Michael
Filed under: Humor | Tagged: DonorsChoose, Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert | 1 Comment »
Sad lulz
Posted on March 31, 2011 by Michael
Arizona has enacted a stupid new law that bans abortions that are done for the sake of selecting race or gender. This is the part that really got me:
Backers of the measure said the ban is needed to put an end to sex- and race-related discrimination that exists in Arizona and throughout the nation. They insist the issue is about bias rather than any broader stance on abortion.
Lulz. Arizona wants to put an end to race discrimination?
Bahahahahahahaha
Filed under: Humor, News | Tagged: Abortion, Arizona is the most racist state in the Union | 1 Comment »
Maine governor removes own picture
Posted on March 30, 2011 by Michael
In an effort to be consistent, Maine governor Paul LePage has announced that he is removing his own picture from the official state of Maine website. “I just don’t see how I can show my face and not be a contradictory asshole”, said LePage.
LePage was referring to his previous douchebaggery act of removing a mural featuring great moments in Maine’s labor history from the Department of Labor building. When asked why he was being such a prissy little dick, he told reporters that the mural was hostile towards business owners who enter the Labor building. Now in an effort to be consistent, LePage has said he will take down his own image from Maine.gov.
“It wouldn’t be fair of me to leave my fat fucking face up there. It’s clear that not only am I hostile to the simple aesthetics of the website, but my face represents an anti-common sense, anti-labor, anti-poor people, anti-black people, anti-paying taxes honestly, anti-science, anti-intelligence point of view. If the Department of Labor mural’s hostility to business values justifies its removal, then certainly my anti-all things good values justifies the removal of my mug.”
Opposition to LePage was stunned. Democratic leader Emily Cain of Orono expressed utter amazement. “This guy has been a pure douche for the past 3 months. He has made Maine look like a fucking joke. I can’t believe he would actually go and do something intelligent for once.”
LePage’s supporters were less enthusiastic, but all said they understood. “This is a real hit to the Republican party, but at least the dickface is being consistent”, said Bangor council member and frequent radio guest Cary Weston.
The reaction of the Maine people is yet to be seen, but early comments indicate an appreciation of the first grain of honesty from the current administration.
“Ayuh, I don’t like the douche, but I’ve always felt his face made Maine’s website pretty hostile to a whole lotta common sense things. Gotta agree with LeDouche on this one”, said Joe Blow.
The administration reports that its replacement of LePage’s mug with a black hole is only temporary, however no objections have been raised. In fact, everyone has so far agreed that the new image really makes a lot of sense.
Filed under: Humor, Local, News, Politics and Social | Tagged: Department of Labor, LeDouche, Mural, Paul LePage | 2 Comments »
When I decided to be straight
Posted on March 26, 2011 by Michael
I think it was around 2000. I was 15 and in my freshmen year of high school. Adolescent hormones raged inside me. Everything in life was so busy, so much more complicated. I had all these new feelings inside me. Which sexual orientation was I to choose?
I created an excel flow chart that I worked on weekend after weekend. If I was going to figure out what I liked, I was going to need to make a rational decision with some hard data. I listed all the attributes I liked in guys in one area of the chart and all the attributes of girls I liked in another area. It was going to be a tough competition.
I took my sheets and translated them into tables and graphs. As I looked at the boys, I noticed several things I liked: We all seemed to like being assholes to each other, only guys seemed to want to go to the arcade, and we all had the same juvenile sense of humor. “What’s that, Billy? An armpit fart? Ho-ho, har-har! Well done, my friend! Well done! You are certainly in the running!”
I took a look at the tables and graphs for the girls. It looked like they had these magical things called “boobies”.
Then, to play it safe and sure, I rechecked the data, specifically looking at the graphs. Here’s what I got for the boys:
And for the girls:
There the science was right in front of me. I clearly had far more hard data in favor of the girls than the boys. I even compared my data set to those of my friends. Some had the same numbers. Others had more mixed information. Still others had just the inverse. I even found out girls had these things called “minds”. My choice was clear.
So when did you decide to be gay or straight? What sort of scientifically accurate charts did you make?
Filed under: Humor, Politics and Social | Tagged: Charts | 3 Comments »
Best meme so far
Posted on March 23, 2011 by Michael
Filed under: Humor, Religions | Tagged: Conditional love, God meme | 6 Comments »
A homeopathic solution I can support
Posted on March 16, 2011 by Michael
From YH&C:
As a skeptic, I see the National Center for Complimentary and Alternative Medicine as a pure waste of about $121 million in taxes annually and would jump on any chance to eliminate the department.
Now, realistically I know this department is the baby of Tom Harkin (D-Iowa) and as a part of his reputation is tied up in it’s success he will fight for it’s survival. His interest is concentrated, while the interest of the public to save a little more money is spread out. So elimination is a tough fight that our side can’t expect to win.
But I think I have a compromise. Following the principles of homeopathy, where a substance gets more powerful if you dilute it in water and shake it up a little between steps, we should dilute the NCCAM funding down to $12.1 million. How’s that for shaking things up?
This may be the first homeopathic plan I can really support. It certainly would help decrease the number of people who are needlessly sick.
Filed under: Humor | Tagged: Alternative Medicine, Michael Hartwell, Young Hip and Conservative | 14 Comments »
Michele Bachmann: History buff
Posted on March 13, 2011 by Michael
Ya know, if we just changed the facts and junk:
U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann of Minnesota stood before New Hampshire Republicans with a tea bag clutched in her hand Saturday, but her grasp on Revolutionary War geography wasn’t quite as tight.
Before headlining a GOP fundraiser, the possible presidential hopeful told a group of students and conservative activists in Manchester, “You’re the state where the shot was heard around the world in Lexington and Concord.”
I’m just glad Maine doesn’t have the first primary in the nation. We’d have to deal with anti-facts people like Bachmann praising us for our awesome golf tournaments.
Filed under: Humor | Tagged: Augusta National, Concord, Lexington, Michele Bachmann, Revolutionary War, Teabaggers extraordinaire | 1 Comment »
Ironic quote of the day
Posted on March 11, 2011 by Michael
I don’t think that God is going to allow some crazy guy like Ahmadinejad to blow up the world with an atomic weapon. I just don’t think he’s going to allow it. Now, God may bring a meteor on us, and we’ll know who did it. But he’s not going to turn this world loose to the crazies.
~Pat Robertson
Filed under: Humor | Tagged: Crazy, Pat Robertson | 2 Comments »
For the Sake of Science 