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A summary of your state
Posted on January 22, 2013 by Michael
I’ve done a bit of traveling in my day, including around a majority of the United States. I’m also in-tune with what’s going on in the news and in politics. As a result I might argue that I feel qualified to give my impressions of various states. But no. No, instead I will argue that, rather than as a result of my travel and informed perspective, I am qualified to give my impressions based upon the fact that this is my blog. So here we go.
Alabama: I made the mistake of going to a McDonald’s here. The employees had the most unbearable accents, the manager was missing a majority of what should have been his visible teeth, and the orders were being messed up more than usual. Other than that, though, Alabama has a lot to offer. For instance, it’s tremendously humid and uncomfortable in the summer.
Alaska: I admit I’ve been mildly entertained by the National Geographic show Alaska State Troopers, but I see no reason why anyone would want to live here. It’s constantly cold and produced the likes of Sarah Palin. Other than that, it’s basically the deep south of the far north.
Arizona: Racist, racist, racist, racist, racist, racist. Hot. Racist, racist, racist.
Arkansas: I haven’t been here, but I have been to Alabama. I see no need to visit.
California: Here’s a state with an identity crisis. Half the time they’re passing liberal spending bills, but then they’re contradicting their efforts with attempts at conservative economics. Also, LA seems like one of the worst places in the country.
Colorado: Of the top 4 states in which I would live, this is number 4. It has 300 days of sun, skiing, and it’s turning into a quality blue state. That said, I’ve been to a town here called Center. It had stereotypical mariachi music blaring from beat-up cars that were being worked on in front yards while all the townspeople of Hispanic descent – which was the vast majority – watched me with great suspicion as I used their laundry mat while being white. To top things off, a small chihuahua was running loose around town. If it didn’t really happen, I would say it was racist.
Connecticut: I’m not sure why we keep Connecticut in New England. Even if I get past that stupid “c” in the middle of the state’s name – and I won’t – there’s still the fact that it seems to wish it was New York. Also, it has a bunch of Yankees fans, and that’s just a whole load of dumb.
Delaware: It’s the one that’s not Maryland, I guess.
Florida: Here’s a state with three things: old people, Disney World, and Miami. Unless related to the old people, why would anyone want to be a part of that environment? I don’t even get why old people hang out with old people. I bet Disney World is okay. And Miami seems like a city looking to rival the terribleness of LA. Its shallow nightlife might be fun for a night or two, but so is Vegas. That doesn’t mean it makes sense to live there.
Georgia: I have friends who live here, so let me tread carefully: Georgia is a crap hole! Actually, I imagine it has nice willow trees. And I think some Kennedy got married off a pleasant little island off its coast. So it has that.
Hawaii: Why wouldn’t I just go to Puerto Rico or the U.S. Virgin islands where I don’t have to spend unbelievable sums of money to go to a tropical beach? Also, they need to get different words for “hello” and “goodbye”. They aren’t Eskimos and they don’t have dozens of versions of snow. Also, that thing about Eskimos and their words for snow is a myth.
Idaho: Potatoes. Sorry, Idaho.
Illinois: Let me fix things for this state: I-L-L-I-N-O-Y. Much better.
Indiana: So, wait. This isn’t Illinoy?
Iowa: Corn. Sorry, Iowa.
Kansas: You guys should really check out some science books. I mean. At least try one.
Kentucky: I’m not afraid to make a different version of the same joke four times: This isn’t Tennessee?
Louisiana: Holy balls, what horrendous summers. Mosquitoes, humidity, swamps, southerners, southerners’ accents…it goes on and on. But, hey, you look like a boot, so that’s neat.
Maine: Excellent state. Lobsters, L.L.Bean, rugged coastline, and all that. I really see nothing to criticize here, so let’s move along.
Maryland: Crabs, funny shape, not Delaware.
Massachusetts: Other than for its sports teams and historical significance for early America, I see little appeal. Of course, there is always the fun of driving around Boston, a city routinely ranked as the worst for doing so. Weird that Massachusetts drivers, aka Massholes, would be known as dicks when they get behind the wheel.
Michigan: Detroit. Sorry, Michigan.
Minnesota: In 6th grade my class had to do something involving the U.S. map where our peers would give us a grade of 1-10, which would be bonus points on one thing or another. It was meant as a semi-fun project, so when I got to Minnesota, I made a reference to the show Happy Days. As my classmate looked over my work, I realized I was one state off: the show took place in Wisconsin. Even though I’m the one who recognized the mistake, he still only gave me a 6 out of 10. And that’s Minnesota.
Mississippi: Lulz.
Missouri: Arch.
Montana: If there ever comes a time when I want to live somewhere but I don’t want to do things, this is where I’ll go.
Nebraska: I hear Omaha has a lot of call centers because people from there supposedly have the least noticeable accents in the country. Now you know.
Nevada: You know that excuse about the heat where people say, “But it’s a dry heat!” That’s bullshit. Dry or not, 107 degrees is awful. But they have gambling and breasts and moral decay and all those good things.
New Hampshire: It has the best mountains in New England, but it voted for Bush in 2000. I have my eye on you.
New Jersey: High population density, pollution, limited green space, and high cost of living. And these are its good points.
New Mexico: Technically not the old Mexico.
New York: Rumor has it there is more to this state than one city, but the media have yet to confirm.
North Carolina: I have an interest in this state solely because it’s the location of this year’s Blog Cabin, a show watched by me and, I surmise, a handful of middle-aged women spread around the country. Also, I confuse this state with Virginia more than I confuse it with South Carolina.
North Dakota: Fargo.
Ohio: Best known for its vowels, Ohio is the proud owner of Columbus, one of the least appealing cities I’ve ever visited. I recommend more homeless shelters, but then who am I to observe a major problem and one obvious part of its solution?
Oklahoma: Otherwise known as Northern Texas, this is the only state that had all its counties go red for McCain in 2008. In other news, I frequently see it featured in the show Gangland.
Oregon: I do believe I need to first have an opinion on a place before I can say what I think of it.
Pennsylvania: I could mention the state’s rich coal history, or how integral it was to the steel industry (though Pittsburgh has no steel mills left today), or I could explore its long and interesting history with the Amish, a unique group notable for its hard-working way of life. Instead, I will point out the obvious: It has shitty sports fans. Seriously, you guys are dicks.
Rhode Island: Family Guy. Well done.
South Carolina: After spending some time as the laughing-stock of the nation over its tumultuous political happenings, South Carolina has turned the corner back to simply being ignored.
South Dakota: Of the terrible middle belt of rectangular-ish states, this is the only one I felt worthy of my tires meeting its roads. I mean, relatively. If skipping it was an option, I may have done that. Going east to west, it’s just a whole lot of nothing, nothing, nothing, Mount Rushmore, and done.
Tennessee: I don’t care how many times I’ve made the joke: This isn’t Kentucky?
Texas: I don’t have a problem messing with a big, dumb state led by a series of dumb guys doing dumb things with dumb legislatures and dumb boards of education and dumb, dumb, dumb. Also, Houston was built on a swamp, so that was dumb.
Utah: Sadly, the magnet industry has fallen on hard times here thanks to what officials describe as “mass hysteria and confusion”.
Vermont: Now here’s another excellent state. I’ve been shitting on most of the country, but I’m breaking that theme here. Vermont is amongst my top places to live, and I hope to at least visit it once this year. Also, it’s upside-down New Hampshire.
Virginia: Who hasn’t accidentally said “vagina” with this one? Interestingly, I frequently make the same mistake with Minnesota.
Washington: Though gloomy, I imagine I might enjoy Seattle. And my favorite band came from this area, so there’s that. Unfortunately, I can’t get behind this state until it changes its name. Because, come on. Who isn’t tired of specifying if they mean the city or the state?
West Virginia: The Appalachian Mountains start getting called Appalachia around here for some reason. Also, coal, fat people, and inbreeding.
Wisconsin: Non-unionized cheese and Happy Days. Less notably, Lavern & Shirley.
Wyoming: South Montana.
Filed under: Misc | Tagged: States | 7 Comments »
Recent news
Posted on January 20, 2013 by Michael
Here’s a quick round-up of some recent news:
President Obama has been sworn into his second term. The ceremony was a small one done inside the White House in order to meet constitutional requirements that the inauguration take place on January 20th, but there will be the usual public spectacle tomorrow. I expect FOX Noise and other conservative mouth-pieces to compare the turnout between the President’s first inauguration and this one, attempting to make the argument that he has lost popularity and doesn’t enjoy any sort of mandate. It will be a shitty argument since 2nd inaugurations are traditionally filled with less pomp and circumstance.
So-called responsible gun owners keep shooting each other. This weekend has seen ‘Gun Appreciation Day’, an event apparently organized by some guy by the name of Larry Ward. The result has been at least 5 accidental shootings as linked above, but I’ve seen unconfirmed Facebook pictures floating around placing the number at 8. This isn’t any surprise considering how many accidental shootings occur in homes with a single gun.
Over 40 million private sector workers do not have paid sick leave. This is one of the many flaws that arise from the magical hand of the free market. We can’t expect the private sector to voluntarily offer paid sick time to employees; these businesses are looking at the short term. If they had a longer and wider view of the economy, they would recognize that their sick employees spread disease, resulting in greater loss to the economy through more people who call out. Moreover, if their sick employees do call out, that’s a loss to the employee. And as we all know but as conservatives ignore, the economy is majority-run by the consumer. We need people making and spending money.
Religious fighting continues in Mali. I find it interesting that a country with its own religious strife, Nigeria, is getting involved with one-door-over neighbor, but it isn’t overly surprising to see religion filling the gap left by corrupt governments, thus creating greater instability and less freedom. That’s sort of what religion has been doing for the past few thousand years.
Former New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin has been charged with taking bribes. I only find this satisfying because of how disgusted I was when he said New Orleans needs to stay “a chocolate city”. It was blatantly racist horseshit.
The AFC Championship game takes place tonight. The Ravens are rolling into Foxborough at 6:30 tonight, hopefully to face another devastating loss. I don’t know, though. I fully expect a close game, so I won’t be shocked if my Patriots are golfing come Monday. I just hope they utilize their hurry-up offense way more than usual given the comments of a Raven linebacker.
Filed under: Misc | Tagged: Gun debate, Mali, Nigeria, Patriots, President Obama, Ray Nagin, Recent news, Religious strife, Sick pay | Leave a comment »
Thought of the day
Posted on January 19, 2013 by Michael
Hockey, by a wide margin, is the most exciting sport. Good to see it back.
Filed under: Misc | Tagged: Hockey, Thought of the day | Leave a comment »
Aconcagua
Posted on January 16, 2013 by Michael
Kilimanjaro has nothing on this mountain. (Click twice to enlarge.)
Filed under: Hiking | Tagged: Aconcagua | Leave a comment »
Thought of the day
Posted on January 15, 2013 by Michael
Perhaps the most impressive thing about Christianity is the fact that in roughly 2,000 years it hasn’t been able to produce a single piece of scientific evidence for its entire basis.
Filed under: Misc | Tagged: Christianity, Thought of the day | Leave a comment »
We told you so
Posted on January 13, 2013 by Michael
Atheists and secularists alike have long pointed out that Christians would quickly object if their rights were ever trampled upon in the same way they frequently trample upon the rights of others. From marriage equality to other basic rights to the building of holy centers, the Christian majority would freak if they were prevented from all these things. But does that stop them from doing it to others? Does that stop them from introducing creationist intelligent design bills? Have they ever ceased in their desire to weasel prayer into public schools? Or to keep it, a la irrational Communist fears, on our money? Of course not. But now that yoga is being taught to kids…well. Now we have a real problem:
Mary Eady, the parent of a first grader, said the classes were rooted in the deeply religious practice of Ashtanga yoga, in which physical actions are inextricable from the spiritual beliefs underlying them.
“They’re not just teaching physical poses, they’re teaching children how to think and how to make decisions,” Ms. Eady said. “They’re teaching children how to meditate and how to look within for peace and for comfort. They’re using this as a tool for many things beyond just stretching.”
Ms. Eady and a few dozen other parents say a public school system should not be leading students down any particular religious path. Teaching children how to engage in spiritual exercises like meditation familiarizes young minds with certain religious viewpoints and practices, they say, and a public classroom is no place for that.
This all, of course, came out of discussions at Evangelical churches. The hint of even the remotest of threats has spurred Christian parents into action.
As it so happens, these parents aren’t entirely wrong. It does appear that Hindu practices are being promoted, especially given the religious source of funding for the program. However, that doesn’t mean the practice needs to stop all together. I’ve never done yoga and I don’t know much about it, but it appears to me that there are plenty of yoga classes and techniques out there that are basically secular in nature. I don’t see why the school couldn’t simply amend the class to reflect the fact that they’re a public institution.
All that said, it really doesn’t surprise me that we have Christians up in arms over something like this. If there was some sort of way they could not-so-slyly promote a uniquely Christian praying style, I’m sure we would hear every excuse in the book about how harmless it was. Then, when the practice was banned, we wouldn’t hear the end of how persecuted Christians are in America.
I just wish the Encinitas Muslim community would express their disapproval of this practice. I’d be curious to see the Christian reaction then.
Filed under: News, Religions | Tagged: Encinitas, Hindu, School, Yoga | Leave a comment »
Thought of the day
Posted on January 11, 2013 by Michael
C.S. Lewis is easily one of the weakest philosophical writers I have ever read. I mean that both in style and substance. First, style: I don’t care to read his fiction/allegories (or watch the movies now made from them), so I’ll defer my opinion on that style to others – he probably is an excellent writer of fiction. However, one does not write philosophy as one writes fiction. And he just isn’t good at the former. Second, substance: In a chapter he wrote about miracles, he said math was tautological, then he cited basic algebra to back himself up. I rest my case on that point.
The man just wasn’t very good at the important stuff.
Filed under: Misc | Tagged: C.S. Lewis, Thought of the day | Leave a comment »
Code words
Posted on January 11, 2013 by Michael
Mike over at The A-Unicornist has an excellent post about Feminism, the Patriarchy, PZ Myers, and other trigger words that I want to briefly mention. Here’s an excerpt:
The thing is, we don’t all agree on the severity or relevance of this sort of thing. We don’t all agree that there actually is a “patriarchy” in modern America. We don’t all agree whether ads featuring scantily-clad men or women, in an attempt to appeal to our biology to drive the free market, are indicative of any kind of broad social problem. We don’t all agree that, at least in modern America, the areas where women still experience inequality deserve more attention than the areas where men experience inequality – areas such as life expectancy, medical research funding, homelessness, widespread acceptance of male genital mutilation, suicide rates, victims of violence, workplace deaths, domestic violence and family court biases. Some of us have a hard time caring when the Rebecca Watsons of the world complain about sexy women in commercials and being awkwardly invited on a date when in other countries, women are treated like cattle (some of us like, I dunno, Richard Dawkins).
The problem is, though, that in the mind of PZ Myers, Watson, and the those of that ilk, there is no room for measures of disagreement. If you’re not totally on board their train, then you are the enemy. You are, as PZ describes it, an “anti-feminist”. No – you are not allowed to broadly support women’s legal equality and support their right to accept or reject certain normative gender roles while disagreeing about the extent and/or severity of these issues in modern Western civilization. You either swallow the whole doctrine, or you are part of the problem.
This is one of the factors that drove me away from PZ’s site and the group-think cohort that is Freethought Blogs. It’s a pure George Bush mentality of, ‘If you aren’t with us, you’re against us’. It’s a very black and white, immature view of the world – one which more often than not results in ‘reverse’-sexism that is roundly ignored. (In fact, people who dare mention the existence of double-standards tends to be denigrated horribly.)
I try not to write on the subject of Internet/caricature feminism much any more because, aside from often being so mountain-out-of-a-mole-hill boring, it isn’t even a philosophy. Indeed, it’s little more than an extremist reaction to conservatism. Ironically, though, its consequence-only outlook holds much in common with libertarianism (which is the philosophy that says, “I got mine, so screw you”). It’s like these people have never even heard of Kant.
Another reason I tend to avoid this subject, however, is because it’s virtually nothing but a minefield of code words. Whenever I see “patriarchy”, I know the person has already shut down the conversation and is merely waiting for me to apologize for being a white man. And to make things worse, we have terms like “rape culture” that are thrown around entirely carelessly, minimizing how horrible the actual act of rape is. (People like Steven Olsen, owner of the useless and unfunny site Carl Sagan’s Dance Party Humor, or csdphumor.com, is guilty of this and should apologize not merely to women, but to common fucking sense.)
I know these non-serious thinkers will continue on regardless of what I say, but I deem all these science-second, atheism-third people to be complete jokes that belong in the dustbin of the Internet. They haven’t added anything useful to the conversation; if anything, they’ve invented a cloud of fear for women who want to attend conventions and other events, likely encouraging actual assholes to make life worse for innocent people. Fuck these people.
Filed under: Rant | Tagged: Caricature feminists, Feminism | 18 Comments »
I’m back
Posted on January 10, 2013 by Michael
I don’t understand why anyone would ever not make it abundantly clear that it was necessary to switch airports when selling a ticket. I made my transfer successfully in fucking Buenos Aires, but I will never purchase anything from Expedia again. Also, LAN Airlines is awful. Just awful.
Filed under: Misc | Leave a comment »
For the Sake of Science 