Yet another Halloween note

My advice last year was not to be cheap. The year before I advised people to give out Twix. This year I want to talk about slutty sexy cats:

Sure, a lot of us appreciate this costume when we see it, but look. It isn’t anything remotely new. It’s been done millions of times; it has to go. I mean, surely there is some other organism in the animal kingdom that lends itself to the excuse to flaunt one’s self, right? For instance:

Get a modified lion’s mane, some short-shorts, and half a shirt and I think we’ve got ourselves a new costume trend.

Another important Halloween note

Last year I noted that Twix is awesome and kids hate coconut. This year I want to expand my advice to the candy-givers out there:

  • No apples. This is not candy. I hope your house gets egged.
  • No pennies. In addition to not being candy, all this tells me is that you’re cheap.
  • No quarters. You’re still a cheap, non-candy giver.
  • No dog bones. I know this is a weird one, but I actually got this once.
  • If you leave out a bunch of bags of candy with a note saying “TAKE ONE”, you should expect one child to TAKE ALL. That’s what you get for being lazy.

And finally, for the parents: Stop making your kids wear jackets. I know it’s probably cold out there, but 1) the common cold does not actually come from being cold and 2) your kids have the best costumes, like, EVER! Let them show off their awesomeness for one night.

Thought of the day

This is a bit early, but can we just rename Halloween All Exposed Girls’ Night? Or maybe All Bad Movies Week?

Important Halloween note

If you will be giving out candy this year, okay, yes, all the kids have come to accept that everything will be “fun size”. But let’s not give out crappy candy, okay? That pretty much means you need to exclusively be giving out this:

And please keep the Almond Joy to yourself, okay? Look, I’ve grown to actually like it on the rare occasion I have it, but that’s because I’m not 8. No kid likes coconut. That’s just a fact.



This little guy is a crustacean which has its molting synthesis activated by Halloween genes (as do insects because, gasp!, they share a relatively close lineage). Some of the names of these genes are Spo, Spok, Spookiest, Phantom, Disembodied, Shadow, and Shade.