A CEO, a Tea Partier, and a union member…

…are sitting at a table. In the middle of the table is a plate with a dozen cookies. The CEO reaches over, takes 11 cookies, looks at the Tea Partier, and says, “Look out for that guy, he wants a piece of your cookie.”

Michele Bachmann hates history

I thought it was pretty terrible when I heard about this historical rewriting.

Archivist of the United States David S. Ferriero announced today that Thomas Lowry, a long-time Lincoln researcher from Woodbridge, VA, confessed on January 12, 2011, to altering an Abraham Lincoln Presidential pardon that is part of the permanent records of the U.S. National Archives. The pardon was for Patrick Murphy, a Civil War soldier in the Union Army who was court-martialed for desertion.

Lowry admitted to changing the date of Murphy’s pardon, written in Lincoln’s hand, from April 14, 1864, to April 14, 1865, the day John Wilkes Booth assassinated Lincoln at Ford’s Theatre in Washington, DC. Having changed the year from 1864 to 1865, Lowry was then able to claim that this pardon was of significant historical relevance because it could be considered one of, if not the final official act by President Lincoln before his assassination.

This is unfortunate. All that makes this any less lamentable is the fact that at least we know the true history of the document and it can no longer have an effect on us.

Too bad that isn’t the case with Michele Bachmann. (Embedding is disabled and WordPress hates embedding CNN videos directly.) She apparently thinks the founding fathers worked tirelessly to end slavery.

The Tea Party fave said that “the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States….Men like John Quincy Adams, who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country.”

First, John Quincy Adams was not a founding father. Second, no founding father worked tirelessly to end slavery. The one who did the most was Jefferson when he ended the slave trade, but he certainly did not work without tire in order to end the practice all together. Third, virtually all the founding fathers owned black people. Fourth, in case Bachmann or a Bachmann supporter is reading this, let me spell it out: those black people? They were slaves.

Bachmann is said to be looking at a presidential run. As awful as it would be to have such a goof as president, I can’t deny I have a little morbid curiosity. Throw in Sarah Palin and, well, wouldn’t it at least be interesting?

Paul LePage loves welfare

He just hates poor people.

Creationist Republican/Tea Party candidate for Maine governor Paul LePage rages against government and the assistance it gives to poor people. He’s intensely angry that anyone would have the audacity to take his money from him in order to help others. But this isn’t some pure libertarian stance he’s taking. No, as is well-known, the LePages stole a lot of money from Florida by illegally claim double-residency, thus getting their children in-state tuition at massive savings. This, as is the case with virtually all Tea Party supporters, is about greed. LePage is willing to take government assistance – welfare – from the state of Florida when it suits his wallet, but when it comes to helping anyone else he wants to put caps on benefits and slash every service under the sun.

Paul LePage is just another greedy Republican/Teabagger who is out to get his own. It has only ever been about his own wallet.

Sexually immature much?

Christine O’Donnell is the Teabagger who won the Republic primary in Delaware this week. Of course, being a Teabagger, she’s a ridiculous candidate, and that fact is quickly coming to light.

But I want to be fair about this. It’s true enough that a lot of Christians are sexually immature. They find discomfort in sexual displays when the reality is so benign. They fight against giving equal rights to people who like different sexual things (the audacity!). They say no sex before marriage is a good thing, as if healthy relationships are at all likely between two people who may not, as it turns out, have a very strong sexual connection. But what isn’t true is that a lot of them are anti-masturbation. I suspect there are plenty who say masturbation is a sin, but the reality of their actions is that they don’t much practice what they preach. And I can’t be sure, but it’s my hope and suspicion that a good number grow to a state of comfort with their actions, past, present, and future. (But probably less so for a lot of Catholics.)

But maybe an (old) anti-masturbation message will resonate with a lot of Christians. I’m don’t know. But I do know it makes for a good point-and-laugh type video for those of us with a little perspective and reason.

Yeah! It’s so icky and, like, stuff! Christ.

As PZ emphasized, here’s the best line:

If he already knows what pleases him and can please himself, then why am I in the picture?

I mean, it’s clearly best that we think of our significant others as there for the sake of giving us physical pleasure. And besides that, who wouldn’t choose masturbation over sex?! Solid Teabagger points, I think.

Paul LePage is a creationist

Like several other states, Maine recently had its party primaries for governor. Three candidates have emerged as the overall front runners. Libby Mitchell won the Democrat primary, Eliot Cutler didn’t have to worry about any of that since he’s running as an independent, and Paul LePage won the Republican nomination. And that’s where the danger is.

Paul LePage isn’t too far from the ideals of the Teabaggers. He hates government, poor people, basic services, and most of all, education. In an interview from May 27, he was asked “Do you believe in creationism, and do you think it should be taught in Maine public schools?” Here is his answer.

I would say intelligence, uh, the more education you have the more knowledge you have the better person you are and I believe yes and yes.

It’s unclear what the word “intelligence” is doing in his answer as the concept is nowhere to be found.

Few if any who visit FTSOS are going to vote for LePage, I know. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t important to get the word out that he is anti-science. One way to do this is to buy a bumper sticker which reads “No Creationism in Public Schools. No to Paul LePage.

This is the last guy any state needs as a leader.