Chick-Fil-A seems to like to get in the news for shitty reasons. First it was their promotion of bigotry. People got wind of it and the company backed off, at least nominally. (They’re still conservative Christians, so they’re still bigots. Just less active ones.) Now they apparently want to write the plot to the next made-for-TV movie:
After applying for a federal trademark for the Eat More Kale logo, hoping to block other artists from copying his design, [the Vermont business] Eat More Kale received a letter from Chick-Fil-A threatening to block Eat More Kale’s trademark application [because Chick-Fil-A’s slogan is “Eat Mor Chiken”]. Chick-Fil-A claims that the “Eat More” combination will confuse its customers and dilute its brand. And it wants the small Vermont business to stop.
This is patently absurd. Nobody is going to confuse shitty chicken and exceptionally shitty fries for a shitty vegetable. Yeah, it all tastes awful – more so on the part of Chick-Fil-A – but they are two entirely different products. This is a case of a big corporation being a bully because it has the money to do so. I can’t wait to see the movie on ABC Family.
But that isn’t the worst part in all this. The worst part is that people actually eat at Chick-Fil-A. How dreadful. Seriously. And it isn’t that I don’t like them for their Christianity. If I refused to eat or shop at every place run by Christians, I’d have to become a very self-reliant farmer very quickly. And it isn’t that I object to the company’s contribution to obesity. I mean, I do have that objection, but that isn’t why this is awful. After all, McDonald’s is the biggest contributor in the nation, but that doesn’t mean a Big Mac isn’t frickin’ delicious. No, the basis for why I think it’s terrible that people actually eat there is just how bad it is. I mean, first of all, waffle fries are an abomination. There’s no reason for them to exist. Anywhere. Ever. What’s worse, Chick-Fil-A does an especially shitty job with theirs. Second, it’s dry. Every. Single. Thing. They. Sell. Unlike Nate’s mother, it is all dry. I’m pretty sure I suffered dehydration after buying a soda there once.
So let’s not stop supporting Chick-Fil-A because of its hatred of gays or its frivolous lawsuits. Let’s stop supporting it because it’s so god damned awful.