I get mail, too

I have to admit I was pretty disappointed when PZ got a cease and desist notice from Christopher Maloney and I didn’t. I mean, what am I, not good enough? Haven’t I been offensive enough? I know I don’t have PZ’s following, but I thought I had made a perfectly valiant effort to be as disrespectful as possible in my fight against the anti-science nature of naturopathy. Yet still, Maloney struck me a blow, an insult, a real dig to my ego. No notice. No letter. Woe was me.

But all that has changed. You see, Maloney has decided that the trickle of posts I make only in response to him nowadays needs challenging. (Click to enlarge.)

(The bottom two lines read: “…cherry-pick evidence, often lie and misrepresent facts. Recently a local naturopathic “doctor” Christopher Maloney…” You wrote this response in reply to Dr. Maloney’s editorial on October 29, 2009 which…”)

There is also a cover page (which would not scan for the life of me). Titled “NOTICE TO CEASE HARASSMENT & NO TRESPASS NOTICE”, it continues:

Pursuant to 17-A M.R.S.A. 506-A(1), you are hereby being served with notice to immediately cease and desist from engaging in any course of conduct with the intent to harass, torment or threaten Dr. Christopher Maloney, N.D., 4 Drew St., Augusta, Maine, whether on or off of premises, in person, or via electronic means. Violation of this Notice is a Class E crime under the laws of the State of Maine, pursuant to 17-A M.R.S.A. 506-A(1).

In conjunction with the foregoing Notice to Cease Harassment, you are also hereby prohibited from coming within 100 feet of the above-described premises for any reason. Violation of this No Trespass Notice may result in your arrest and/or civil and criminal trespass charges being filed against you pursuant to 17-A M.R.S.A. 402(1)(D)-(E).

Where to start, where to start.

How about my publication, Without Apology? Never billed as a newspaper (I would never produce such a vile thing), it is a publication I put out from 2009-2010 over the course of roughly 6 months. Contrary to the lies implied by Maloney, the idea for the publication was hatched long before I had even heard of naturopathy. And even when I had heard of that quackery, the first 3 editions were about politics, social concerns, local issues, and science. It wasn’t until the forth edition that I even mentioned Maloney, and even then it was only in two articles. There was also an article about objective morality and another about poker. (A fifth edition came out that said nothing of the quack; a sixth edition featuring Ashley F. Miller will be out soon.) The paper was not made for him.

Next take a look at the fourth paragraph in the first image. Maloney says I add the keywords “Christopher Maloney” to all of my blog posts daily. To prove the point, March 25, 2011 is cited as an instance where I did this three times. Goodness. How wrong can one sentence be? First, it isn’t even possible to add the same keywords more than once to a single post. Get with the times, you old fogies. Second, I don’t even post about Maloney on a daily basis. Go ahead, do a quick search. The last time I posted about him was February 20th (and gee, wouldya look at that, it was a response to something he said; crazy that). Third, I didn’t make any post about him on March 25. Not March 25, 2011, not March 25, 2010, not March 25, 2009. So why mention that date in particular? Look near the top of the page. It was the date that Maeghan Maloney (once she was done creating the ugliest header in history) wrote the letter. Totally professional, huh?

Oh, and how about those “impeccable credentials”? It looks like some more bullshit to me:

Not that I doubt that a naturopath could come out of Harvard—the university has produced its share of creationists—but as a Harvard University alum, I had to see if Christopher Maloney was also one. I found one, but the one listed, who lives in Hawaii, earned an MBA and a MPA (public administration, probably from the Kennedy School) in 2006. None with a Diploma in Continuing Health Studies, whatever that is, is listed. I suspect Maloney took a couple of extension course in the Harvard Extension School (a night school opened to any and all who have the money) and possibly one which awards some kind of diploma. But it’s a stretch to claim as his lawyer/wife does that he has a “…pre-medical degree from Harvard.” Harvard issues no such animal.

And I thought the alt-med crowd was above reproach.

The most laughable part of the whole letter (aside from the @live.com email address) is the accusation that I make these posts in order to boost my search engine results. Trust me, Maloney is not the big draw on FTSOS. In fact, a ctrl+f look at all the search terms that have landed people here over the past year yields 16 results for the word “Maloney”. In contrast, searches that use the word “Hubble” number around 27,000.

Wondering about the CC at the bottom of the page? That would be my father, the good man. Apparently Maloney thought it would be okay to investigate my family, the sneaky little creeper pants. I think his point was to tattle on me, as if I haven’t kept my mother, my brother, my cousins, my aunt, my uncle, my grandmother, and, yes, my father, all in the loop about his shenanigans this whole time. Given Maloney’s endlessly immature actions, I guess it isn’t surprising that he would think an adult might be afraid of basic communication with his parents.

I really don’t see the point in all this. I have been crystal clear: If Christopher Maloney stops effectively begging me to post about him by virtue of his continued chirps, then I will stop. Threatening me, especially after whining about everyone on the Internet (rightly) calling him censorious, isn’t going to help anything. I’m not one to be intimidated, especially on such flimsy, pathetic, and unprofessional grounds.

P.s., Christopher Maloney is a quack.

8 Responses

  1. Quack, quack!

  2. I prefer three quacks myself, but to each his own.

    A couple of points which didn’t quite fit into the original post: First, Maloney went to the police shortly after this all began last year. As it happens, he went to the one officer who was dating someone I knew. The officer’s reaction to Maloney’s whining? “It’s so fucking stupid.”

    Second, the sheriff who served me with the above c&d notice was considering making his way out to my place last Friday if the snow let up. I then forwarded him the link to the letter PZ got. A little later on he called me back and said, “So I checked out the link. It’s…interesting…to say the least. But this doesn’t look like much of an emergency. I’ll just see you after the weekend.”

  3. No, Michael, get your literary references correct…

    it is “Three quarks for Muster Mark”.

    As far as Maloney, he deserves to be called a quack, quack, quack, quack. for his preying upon humans with his fake cures.

  4. I prefer to be understated.

  5. Oh, and the first paragraph in the letter: I have written about other Maine naturopaths, as well as naturopathic efforts in other countries even. But that’s hardly the point. Woo is woo. There is no meaningful scientific difference between any major type of quackery.

  6. Wow. I took a look at his website to see what all the hubbub was about and you couldn’t be any more accurate in everything you have said, Mike. This guy is a quack. This page is all I had to see…..


    Quack Quack Quack

  7. You’ve got to wonder if the quack’s wife is even a real lawyer – what do you call quack lawyers? She couldn’t even get another person in her firm, or even a lawyer friend, to put their name to that letter and give it even a remote semblance of legitimacy. Then again, they probably don’t have any colleagues, or friends, for that matter.

  8. She is a qualified lawyer – “qualified” meaning she is licensed. I’ll let the reader decide if the word’s meaning ought to be extended or simply stop there.

    Also, take a look at the third paragraph on the first page of the letter. It quotes me as saying, “As a naturopath, Chris Maloney is not qualified to tell anyone jackshit about anything to do with their health.” In fact, that is a full-blown, entirely dishonest quote-mine. Here is what I actually said:

    As a naturopath, Chris Maloney is not qualified to tell anyone jackshit about anything to do with their health – because naturopaths are not actually qualified according to normal medical standards. God damn it. I hate throwing up all these qualifiers. Is WordPress as bad at reading as Maloney evidently is? I clearly made a distinction between naturopaths and traditional doctors.

    So we see the Maloneys attempting to portray me as claiming Christopher Maloney is not a doctor under Maine law. In fact, that entire post was about how he is a naturopathic doctor, but not a real doctor, i.e., a physician. By that definition – since he is not anything remotely close to a physician – he is not a doctor. Again and again and again, Christopher Maloney is merely a naturopathic doctor. A real doctor is a physician. This has been clear for the past year to anyone who can read – or who is honest.

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